| fuckerss |
[Jan. 16th, 2005|08:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
i fucking hate flaky people.. just flake out like you always do... assholes... people never change ...atleast not for the better.. people always stay the same of get worse |
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| kill me |
[Dec. 14th, 2004|05:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  irritated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Rufio - just a memory | ] |
honestly i really dont fucking understand why im alive... i do nothing for people... i dont add anything ... nothing but hate... all i do is hate people... i dont fucking understand people.. i really dont ... i cant stand being alive... i just want to die soo fucking badly... i hate it ... i do badly in school...guys treat me like shit... people in general treat me like shit.. what the fuck is the point of being alive... to get kicked around and hate people?... i dont get it... i really dont... ive lost any and all desire to live ... so kill me... if people want to kill me fucking kill me... hit me with your car... does it look like i care... |
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| assholes |
[Aug. 20th, 2004|12:29 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
i cant stand being lied to....asshole |
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| fuck u all |
[Apr. 10th, 2004|09:08 pm] |
i have no true friends at all....noone likes me ..... im really considering killing myself...but im too pussy to so i need to get someone to kill me ...maybe pills b/c thats not that scary... i dunt see a reason to live anymore ...i really dont.... i cant name 1 person that i can trust ...not 1.... i dunt think i can ever let my guard down ...i cant trust n e one... what good is life if you dont have anyone to talk to ...everything just boils up ...and then u end up killing urself.... i dunt even kno wut im saying... i feel like im gunna throw up..bye |
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| dont do stupid things |
[Mar. 12th, 2004|10:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
god my life is shit..."in every cloud theres a silver lining" ...well apperently thats wrong...people just dont understand me do they...right now i only have seriously like 1 true friend......every1 else lies about shit...fuck them all ... katie I LOVE YOU!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2004|04:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
i hate the fact that the second im happy something comes and fucks it up ......every fucking single time ANYTHING makes me happy i get fucked over.... |
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| oh god |
[Mar. 7th, 2004|02:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
ugh i have to write an essay...:( ...not soo much a "good weekend".... friday...dance thats it.... saturday helens party which i thought might be a little fun ya kno lol... i told her to invite this kid matt...whose louie's friend...welll while louie matt and jeremny were coming to my house these like 3 kids ... cut matt and jeremy ...and pushed louie down the stairs of the train station...their metal...i saw mat and saw jeremy but i didnt see louie.... my mom went with them to the hospital.... but i was seriously freaking .... ugh .... matt was fucked up the worse tho...he had to get stiches...louie was fine and jeremy didnt have to get stiches although it looked pretty bad... but technically it was my fault b/c if i didnt tell helen to invite mattt....well he still prolly would have come ...i dunno...but like ughh im sick to my stomach about the whole situation....... either louie or matt called me yesturday at like 9:38 or something but i dunno if that was before or after... ughhh ...then after all that shit this girl mayra comes and brings this fucking guys who i wanted to kill.... well except for muguel b/c hes really hott but ...he was drunk ...not cool....and these 2 girls who r 13 (dunno y helen invited them) were dancing with this 19y/o .... god another thing that made me sick...overall not a good night...and i prolly wont ever see matt again..:(:(:(:(:(:( which sucks majorly ...... god hates me ... |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 21st, 2004|04:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | gloomy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | my immortal | ] |
ugh another day....i hate my life so much....i dunt understand how 1 persons life can be soo fucked up...i seriously dont have any friends... any true friends...theres noone i can trust..noone i can talk to ...noone i can relate to ...noone at all...all i do is sit at home everyday and watch tv eat and go on the computer...ugh its just getting soo annoying ....im so sick of everything... i have no reason to even live anymore...noone to live for..y am i even alive? |
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| ...... |
[Feb. 17th, 2004|01:00 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
ok sooo things dont last forever friendships dont last forever .... but y cant they?..i wish i could rewind time and be a little kid forever....theres too much drama when u get older...like i remember when i was little me ,helen and liz all hung out ...like everyday...no jokwe use to make lemonade stands lol and like dress up ...and dance...everything was soo simple...u didnt have worries.... for anything...b/c u didnt kno any better...the only thing u worried about was missing ur tv show.... i hate what my life has turned in to...i wanna rewind back soo badly and just play it over and over and over ..until the world ends..... |
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| Degrassi Blog |
[Jan. 29th, 2004|10:37 pm] |
|
yea i wanna claim JT Yorke...Thanks a bunches |
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| awww |
[Jan. 27th, 2004|09:45 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Uptown Girls | ] |
i was reading my old xanga entries...it was kinda sad....wow i really need to do something really badly..but i havent gotten the chance...well a chance that i wanted...its been more than 3 months... thats just too fricking long...:(...
Im begining to feel like i need a boyfriend again...i wanna cuddle again...ughh well im gonna go watch a movie....cuddling with a pillow always works...i guess |
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| ::sighs:: |
[Jan. 25th, 2004|03:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
yea....bad week....very bad week.... ok....ermm...monday no skool :) ... tuesday...nothing....wedsnday...2 shows...they went well... thursday...some guy was on the train across from me and licking his lips or w/e and then he looks down and hes jerking off.... i almost started crying...this is the 3rd fucking time... i was soo discusted after...friday..show... i was losing my voice.. i still sounded good....sat same... 2 shows... still my voice hurt....we had the cast party...and ive realize something ... i kno y i never get guys...b/c im not like those girls who r all over guys ... soo guys never kno i like them...when i flirt im a bit more subtle ...like im not all... hi , can i have a hug...or stretch me out...or do splits....or write shit on my stomach ..or embarass your other friends in front of them and act all like u didnt mean to do it... those r the kinda people that have only hookups...subtlty(however u spell it) is key people....lol... no joke tho... guys expect more out of those girls..like ..i dunno... I HATE HOES... especially ones that try to hard...like wear ugly boots with black stockings and a really short and really ugly black skirt...ughhhh... hence sophie isnt in the best of moods right now...
when i got home from the cast party...and i put my stuff down ..i was like woah...the show is over...and as much as i hated the process... i met soo many new people that ill probably never see again..its weird when u think about it...its like uve seen this people twice a week for 4 months...and even more in the last 3 weeks and now u wont ever see them again... u might keep in touch but still....i dunno.. now im just like..woah...
this week i have no skool...and noones gonna be home.. no mom no dad no george no zoe and even on sum days no helen...and i was like wow i can have a party ....then i was like wow... noone would come... i have no friends....i really dunt..atleast none that i would invite over my house....and then b/c im alone ill be thinking... when i think i get extremly depressed..like woah....so ill probably be home thinking about how lonely i am and how i have no reason to live...but dunt get me wrong i would never kill myself...but its really scary to think that when i die...and the people i kno die...it'll be like ive never existed...like i was never alive to begin with...and thats wut scares me so much...i wanna make a difference in someones life .... |
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| wow |
[Jan. 18th, 2004|06:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
alot has happened since i last wrote in here a couple of hours ago...my brother sister and dad are all out...my mom was upstairs and helen me and tito were sitting in the frount room and all the sudden the curtain moves and the plant also moves...but it wasnt my mom b/c she was upstairs and marlie was with her..and no fan was on... also i thought i heard gunshots and i nearly had a heartattack like no joke but...it was a car backfiring lol...i was shaking soo badly...omg... oh yea and some guy called my cell fone for the 2nd time and my mom picked up this time...i didnt tell her to she just did...heres the dialouge:
Man: Hi is this amber?
Mom: no
Man: Is this one of her friends?
Mom:no
Man: do u work at phenomenom?( a strip club)
Mom: no, not yet.
Man: ehh haha sry
i started cracking up omg...i was like if they call again im just gonna let it ring and not pick it up...and then see wut they say on the message...man thats wut i shud have done lol...amber is such a porn star name..isnt it...lol..i wanna name my kid amie ...lol..i like the way its spelt...it could also be amy...i dunno...ive always wanted to name my kid chloe until this fucking girl chanel stole the name and named her dog chloe ...i hate that girl... shes sooooo fake... she also gave me stiches...she needs to die.... haha which reminds me theres this girl..umm...meagan at rehersal and shes really fucking annoying and shes fat ...she cant dance and she always corrects me ..i cant stand her...ughh..well i told her to be quite b/c they could hear us on stage and she didnt listen so i was like shut the fuck up..and then i was like ur gonna die one day b/c im gonna kill u..haha then i walked away...i crack myself up....i really do...theres this girl sam and shes another one i dunt like...i was like cheering for this kid and i was like omg i luv kyle...and shes like omg soo do i...and she started cheering for him...i was like...i wasnt talking to u...im soo mean to those people ..but they deserve it...little assholes..haha its soo funny tho...man oh man |
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| hmm |
[Jan. 18th, 2004|02:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Teletubies..not me my little sister | ] |
Its been a wee while lol....friday was opening night...flushing townhall is haunted...like no joke man..its been there since b4 the civil war..and theres like a soilder that marches around the building....and omg on opening night i heard a lady singing and there wasnt really n e 1 there and it was our show soo i thought it was some1 in the cast..but i kinda looked around and noone was there and yesturday the guy told me theres a ghost of an opera singer...and once the guy was in his office and all of the sudden.. he heard footsteps..really hard footsteps upstairs...hes a security guard soo he look all over the building with his cameras and he walked and searched the entire building and noone was there...i was like woah..he started telling us another story but i had to go on stage...lol..but the place is insane... like when they resored the basement..and guy was working downstairs and he was using a hammer and someone asked him ... i wouldnt use that tool if i were u and then he was like well this is wut im using and then his friend was like who r u talking to and he turned around and noone was there and he ran up to the other guy and was like omg omg theres a ghost here.... lol but on wednseday i wanna find out some more stories...lol... its soo creepy and theres cold spots everywhere..and i was back stage and i was like omg theres a person right here lol.. and i did the frame of the persons body b/c it was all tingly and my friend saw like an eye shaped thing and it got biggger...it was soo freaky omg..usually and eye shaped thing is someones spirit or aura right..i dunno i read that somewhere...well anyway...
i luv some of the people in the show now...lol..like kelly denise mary danny emily and katie ....they make it soo much better then it was b4 ...lol
well im kinda over the fact that i dunt wanna boyfriend...like i can wait...it doesnt bother me that much anymore... lol.....and the saying is true...things come to those who wait... |
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| boredom |
[Jan. 11th, 2004|10:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
First Name: sophia
Middle Name: anna
Age: 15
Birth date: october 18th
Zodiac Sign: libra
Where were you born: NYC
Where do you live: NYC
Have you ever moved: nooooo
Hair Length: umm long?
Wavy/straight/curly hair: wavyish..but more curly than strait
Skin(pale,white,tan,dark,black): tan?
Have you ever dyed your hair?: umm highlighted
School: PPAS
Grade: 10th
Mascot: i dunt even think we have a mascot and if we did it would be like an upside down triangle..lol
Siblings: helen zoe and george
Parents Names: maryann and manny
Pets: marlie..haha its a cockerspaniel...
Which friend lives farthest away: dunt really have far away living friends...never thought about it
The one that lives closest: lizz pryor although the other liz and sara are like a block more
1.Fallen for a friend? well kinda i guess...
2. Fallen for a friend and got hurt? ...i guess yea
3. Been dumped? yeaa
4. Been in love? i dunt kno...im not too sure wut love is right now... i guess i thought that ive been in love
5. Used someone? noooo
6. Been used? ...i dunno
7. Done something you regret? yeaaa:(
Who was the last person...
8. You touched? ...helen...she was crying ..tito broke up w/ her...:(
9. You talked to in person? helen
10. You hugged? ..wow i dunt kno...emily at rehersal..well she hugged me..haha..she is soo sweet
11. You instant messaged? umm sara
12. You yelled at? hmmm....my mom or dad...
13. You laughed with? ..liz..haha
14. You had a crush on? ...well real crush ..joey...wow its been a while
15. That broke your heart? joey...
do you???
16. Color your hair? - u asked this already didnt u?..no.
17. Have any tattoos? – like 10...lol nooo
18. Have any piercings? - yea...on my ears
19. Have a boyfriend? – i wish :(
20. Habla Espanol? – ehh pequeno..haha i think i spelt it wrong
21. Drink? – well ofcourse wouldnt i die if i didnt lol...nooo...only sumtimes..lol
Are you...
22. Psycho? - umm sum wut lol
23. Schizophrenic? - nooo lol...
24. Obsessive? – nooo ....lol ... maybe
25. Paranoid? - haha i am ..really paraniod
26. Depressed? – yea :(
27. Suicidal? – umm no i wouldnt be able to do something like that EVER
28. Obsessed with hate? i dunno
If you could...
29. Be anywhere, where would you be? - i would in bed with a really hott/sweet/funny guy..but not like have sex...just sleep with ..actually sleep...and like snuggle lol
30. Meet any famous person, who would it be? - idina menzel
**FUTURE!!
Do you want to get married: ofcourse
If so,what age would you like to be married: when i feel im ready....and kno i wont regret it
Who will you marry: my true love??lol i dunno
**This or That
Coke/Pepsi: - coke!
Pen/Pencil: - pen...theyre easier to write with and read
Vanilla/Chocolate: vanilla
hug/kiss: hug and kiss..lol...
lights on/off: off ...
rose/lily: rose..more romantic lol
Dr Pepper/Mt.Dew: Mountain Dew... it rocks my socks
McDonalds/Burger King: i dunno neither
sandals/shoes: well...shoes..i guess ..theres more of a variety..but i luv sandals...
Phone/Computer: phone...b/c u kno its that person and its just.... better
Skittles/M'n'M's: skittles...theyre soo much better...and they all actually taste different
1 pillow/or 2: well depends... 2 under my head and one in my arms lol... its very comforting
**Computer
What kind of computer do you have: wow... dell
How many S/N's do you have: ...2
What kind of messengers do you have: - aol?
How many email addresses do you have: - 2
How many buddies are on your buddy list: 102 ..lol
How many buddies are online right now: 15
Which ones are you talking to: - noone
How do you know them: ......
How often do you stay on the internet?: haha all the time..
**Favorites
color: - pink
food: - wheat thins...yummm
sport: - dance lol..?
place to eat: umm taco bell...lol
**What/Who do you think of when you hear the name...
Tara- Lapinski...skater..she came to my skool once.. i dunt like her
Jeremy- Chu..haha
Joe – y
Shane- West..wut a hott one
Tim – Curry lol
Ashley- from wildflowers
Amanda- from skool
Sally- Feild...lol
Derek: Jeter
Danny- from rehersal
Allen- ,Tim lol...tim allen
**THE LAST...
thing you ate: - pizza..
thing you drank: - orange juice...oh yeaa
song you heard: - ummm.. too darn hott from kiss me kate
show you watched: - .... i watched a movie...
thing you said: - "i cant find the keys"
person you saw: - my dad
person who called you: ...i dunt even kno...my mom...on friday haha
person you kissed: joey ..wow i need action like woah..haha liz
told you they loved you: haha joey...well that was bullshit ..i really need a boyfriend
movie you watched: um..."Alex and Emma"
wow well im really tired...so im gonna go too bed...later days |
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| ::sighs:: |
[Jan. 10th, 2004|10:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  worried | ] |
wow its been a while..lol...well a while for me... ive had rehersal till like 11 every night..assholes..its not even tech week yet...not much happened this week...nothing happened...well now im friends with like all the people at rehersal..well the ones i actually wanna be friend with...umm yesturday some guy decided to have his fly completely unzipeed and his pichillini hanging out..lol..do people feel obliged to do that while im there? ugh... the week improve in time...like im not as depressed as i was...
today..i went to my dads friends house for this boring party..like ok..soo were there and this girl katie...shes cool..i guess ive known her forever..but anyway.. shes ugly as shit and has had alot of boyfriends but..i can see y..b/c shes alll over guuys....no joke ...ALL OVER THEM...like there was this kid...omg i cant remember his name eeven tho ive known him forever too... well anyway...hes kinda cute...but anyway..fucking katie was on him like white on rice .. i wanted to kill her...hop off bitch..but then i found out he had a bf so i just kinda laughed at her...lol..not that i would have gotten with him or that i even cared it just pissed me off..
i had such an emotional breakdown on thursday...everything has been soo hard lately and i havent gotten any sleep....ughh and to add to it..
im really like concerned for liz right now..i dunno in her xanga she was like oh is there anyones house i can "sleepover" on saturday...and i kno wut that means but where is she going? im really scared ..like i dunt want her to do something bad..i kno i sound like a dork ..but then she was like talking about taking the train home at 4am.... a guy just got stabbed on the e train like 2 days ago ... not saying shes gonna get stabbed..god forbid...but like..where is she going?...i dunno lately shes been acting different...like its not the same liz from..before the summer...i dunno maybe she "found herself" i dunno...but im concerned....REALLY concerend..like im about to cry ... i dunt want anything bad to happen and if it does....no it wont..it cant...it wont..theres no way...
i need to stop thinking about it....well helen and tito r on a brake and helen told me like ...like she could relate to me now...it was her fucking decision...and on thursday some guy was over..so dunt even play that bullsshit.....a question for u few folks that r reading this... y do some girls get lines down the block of guys wanting to be with them...and sum girls have noone?... i mean.. like me and helen..ok we r sisters... ok she has boobs... like i dunno.... i dunt even think thats it...the guys she goes out with r never guys i would even think about going out with...is it b/c she comes of as a hoe? it has to be... i mean... shes not nice...or funny... shes pretty ok...but her bodys not that great... i dunno... guys have come to be way too confusing....lol...
wow that didnt help...im gonna call liz tomorrow morning ..hopefully shes home... omg...man i hope i can sleep tonight...if u read this liz i luvv u |
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| y me?? |
[Jan. 5th, 2004|10:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
i kinda apreciate skool now...it keeps me from thinking about things that get me depressed...breaks depress me further...ughhhhhh...why is everyone soo happy around me ...espeacially at rehersal..everyones soo cheery..and i have to fake a smile and fake like im happy ....it hurts..it hurts soo much ....i cant stand it.....i need to ..to ..do something..b/c seriously this just cant last longer it cant....omg... my life seriously just keeps getting worse and worse..is it ever gonna end?..b/c if it doesnt im soo screwed..and i will like die... i need like medication or something... i wanna talk to my mom about it but then it will make me feel like a dick...but omg... I NEED SOMEONE TO TO LOVE ME !!!I DO i need to be able to feel like theres someone to be there when im sad...when i need to cry theres a shoulder to lean on...someone to comfort me when i cant talk to anyone else... and right now i feel like theres only one person but that could never happen...but he is soo perfect and the sweetest person in the entire world..when he wants to be..he was the kinda person that would be there for me...he was alot like me ...but now im fucked...i always somehow seem to get fucked over..ughh..kill me |
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| oww |
[Jan. 4th, 2004|09:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
soo this is the last half hour of vacation..pooey...this stinks...but i need to go back b/c i need to get my mind off depressing things...i dunno...dunt ask...i need alot of things right now...ughh...thinking about them makes me soo sick to my stomach...im gonna have rehersal everyday this week...and next week and then like 7 shows ..ughh...this just adds to my stress...i want it to be the summer...i was soo happy in the summer...the end of the summer lol...the begining sucked major ass..well not the beginging more like the middle...it was soo depressing..and as much as i wanna be optimistic and say this year is gonna be awesome ..im not too sure...maybe things will change...scratch that..things need to change..badly......they do...and im gonna go b/c i have nothing to really write about and im really tired...but one question before i hit the sack...why are people soo lucky and other people soo unlucky ..does god pick favorites? |
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| mannn... |
[Jan. 3rd, 2004|09:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
ive been soo ehh lately...i dunno...im just soo depressed....i havent been happy in a long time...like for more then 3 hours...its really getting to me...god...i dunt kno wut to do with myself..i wish ..that i could be...happy...like really truely happy...something needs to happen soon...before i like die from depression....never in my life would i ever kill myself..but this is getting to be too much for me to handle...it really is...maybe the summer will change it all...but do i have to wait that long?...thats 6 months....maybe it will go by super fast...::crosses fingers::....ughhhh |
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| lonelyyy |
[Jan. 3rd, 2004|12:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
ive realized...i take things for granted...like...ive wanted a bf for my whole life..lol...well maybe not my whole..but ya kno wut i mean...then i got a boyfriend and i totally took it for granted ..it didnt make a difference in my life...i could have cared less...but now im bak well ive been bak..to being lonely and its like wow y did i take that for granted....i guess it goes to show "you dont know what youve got till its gone"..there hasnet been a phrase more true..i need to stop updating soo much lol... |
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